首发：~19
mulan felt hollow she moved, but without direction or purpose over and over she heard the word expulsion and saw the look of disgust and disappointment on mander tung’s face, the look of betrayal on honghui’s
she had never meant to hurt them she had just wanted to do her part yet somehow, all along, she had known this day would e one way or another but for one brief, happy moment, as she had caused that avalanche to wipe out the enemy, she had felt strong, proud she had felt like she could do anything
but for what now she was expelled she couldn’t retreat home she couldn’t return to the army she had nowhere to go so she just walked she left the valley behind, heading up into the mountains with black wind by her side with each step, the air grew colder, but she didn’t notice
reaching the edge of a cliff, mulan stopped the whole of the world seemed to stretch out in front of her, the sinking sun setting the snow-covered ground aflame with reds and pinks in front of her sat the phoenix, its own feathers a bright plement to the scene mulan stared at the beautiful sight, and her heart broke still further
sinking to the ground, mulan allowed herself to cry the sobs wracked her body as she wrapped her arms around herself, seeking fort she could not find as her crying intensified, she struggled to catch her breath, her chest heaving and tight she felt broken inside, like a part of her had been shattered and would never be made whole again
“what have i done” she said, looking over at the phoenix “i can never face my family i can never go home” as she said the words out loud, a fresh wave of grief hit mulan she lowered her head she was no longer the strong warrior she had bee; she was a fragile, frightened girl
as she sat there, she heard the phoenix e closer the bird wrapped one of her wings around mulan the fort was too much for mulan to take the bird’s unconditional love felt undeserved—but mulan allowed herself to accept it, leaning into the phoenix
for a long moment, bird and girl were still as mulan’s crying softened just as she managed to get her breathing back under control, a shadow fell over them mulan looked up, and her eyes narrowed as she saw a group of black birds flying in formation they swooped and lifted on the air currents in a beautiful—but sinister—dance
there was something familiar about the birds as mulan followed their movements, she realized why they were the same black birds that had attacked the army earlier
as if on cue, the birds flew straight down at her, and as they did, they transformed now in place of the flock was the witch standing before them mulan and the phoenix shared a look at the bird’s encouraging nod, mulan pushed herself to her feet lifting her sword and summoning the little strength she had left, she met the witch’s piercing gaze with one of her own
“if you’re here to kill me,” she said, “i promise that won’t be easy”
“kill you” xianniang repeated, her eyebrows raising in surprise she shook her head “no your disgrace is worse than death”
the words were like a slap to mulan’s face she tightened her grip on her sword, forcing herself to keep her breathing even and her expression calm she didn’t want to give the witch the satisfaction of seeing her pain but she failed
as the witch recognized mulan’s agony, her expression softened “i understand,” she said she paused her eyes grew thoughtful, as though she were lost in a memory “i was a girl like you when my people turned on me”
in her hand, mulan’s sword trembled there was heartbreak in the witch’s words and for the first time since she had encountered xianniang, mulan saw her not as a witch, but as a woman she had been quick to assume xianniang was a terrible person because she had aligned herself with the shadow warriors but mulan had not stopped to wonder why why would someone with so much power submit to bri khan’s mand but here it was: xianniang’s own people had shunned her looking at the witch, mulan realized they had more in mon than she could have ever known
as if reading mulan’s thoughts, the witch went on the pain in her voice was mirrored on her face as she spoke “i’ve lived a life of exile no country no village no family” pausing, xianniang made sure mulan was looking at her as she added, “we are the same”
“we’re not,” mulan said, even though the exact thought had just crossed her mind “we can’t be”
xianniang shook her head “we are the more power i showed, the more i was crushed just like you you saved them today—and still, they turned on you”
mulan felt like the ground beneath her feet had grown unsteady what xianniang said was true mander tung and the others, they had turned on her, despite everything she had done for them
“merge your path with mine,” the witch said, watching as mulan wrestled with her thoughts “we will be stronger together”
for a long moment, mulan said nothing she could not deny that, together, they would be a powerful pair but what would she be sacrificing to turn her back on the world she knew slowly, the shaky feeling began to fade “you follow a coward—a leader who runs from battle,” she said
xianniang laughed “bri khan did not run from battle!” she said “that coward will take the imperial city and your emperor will fall”
the witch’s words finally snapped mulan out of her fog
fall
she thought what was the witch saying
“that can’t happen!” mulan cried, strength once again flooding through her she took a step forward
“but it happens now,” xianniang said though she was using the words to goad mulan, there was pain in her voice as she spoke, as if she didn’t want them to be true she took a step forward “join me we will take our place together”
mulan stared at the witch, her mind racing bri khan had disappeared he had raced away, and his army had been defeated hadn’t it
suddenly, mulan understood what the witch was saying bri khan wasn’t defeated leaving the others to fall had been part of his greater plan his disappearance was not a retreat he was going to go after the emperor himself!
shaking her head, mulan met the witch’s gaze she lifted her chin, transforming back into the same confident warrior who had defeated the rourans on the battlefield only hours before “i know my place!” she said “it is my duty to fight for the kingdom and protect the emperor!” then she turned and let out a piercing whistle as black wind raced over, she leapt onto his back the sadness and despair she had been feeling only a short time before was replaced with a wave of determination and anger anger at the thought that bri khan might succeed anger that the witch’s words had, for the smallest of moments, intrigued her
yanking on black wind’s reins, mulan looked one more time at the witch xianniang stared back at her, disappointment in her eyes but there was something else there, too something that almost looked like admiration
without another word, mulan began to ride back down the mountain the phoenix let out a loud cry and flew into the air, following her
“they will not listen to you!” she heard xianniang call to her “it will always be a man’s army!”
but mulan didn’t look back let xianniang believe mulan would never find a place in the imperial army mulan didn’t care all that mattered now was saving the emperor and to do that, she needed to warn mander tung
“what is the meaning of this”
sergeant qiang’s voice boomed out over the camp as mulan raced into the middle of the gathered soldiers ignoring the sergeant’s question and the curious looks of the men, she leapt off black wind and ran over to mander tung but seeing his stern expression, mulan slowed her steps when she reached him, she bowed low then, looking up, she forced herself to meet his eyes “mander tung,” she began “we must ride to the emperor! his life is in danger!”
doubtful murmurs broke out across the camp the soldiers didn’t believe her neither, it seemed, did mander tung “bri khan’s army has just been decimated the emperor’s life has never been safer”
mulan shook her head “that’s what bri khan wants you to believe please” she stopped and looked around for support seeing nothing but cold stares, she went on “you have to listen to me”
this time it was mander tung who shook his head “only a foolish man listens to someone whose very existence is a lie”
his words hurt worse than the witch’s dagger a part of her wanted to turn and slink away but if she left now, everyone would be in danger the kingdom’s future was more important than her own pride taking a deep breath, she pressed on “at the battle, bri khan rode off with a small fighting force at first, i thought he was a coward in retreat, but now i realize he was heading east towards the imperial city” she paused to catch her breath before plunging ahead “this was his plan all along while the army is focused on his attacks to the silk road, bri khan sneaks into the capital to kill the emperor!”
she stopped her words hung in the air she saw the soldiers shift on their feet as they processed her news a few nodded their heads, realizing that what mulan suggested made strategical sense if the emperor thought he was safe, he would be an easy target mulan turned back to mander tung she saw the struggle on his face as he balanced his feelings of betrayal and his experience as a mander mulan knew that the mander saw the truth in her words she just had to get him to look beyond her own lie
“there is not an army in the world powerful enough to topple the imperial city,” mulan went on, her words respectful but direct “but perhaps a small, well-trained force could when employed correctly, four ounces can move a thousand pounds”
mander tung paused he looked at mulan and she could see him softening ever so slightly she had not just been a soldier she had proven herself time and time again she had been a perceptive student, a willing conscript, and a brave warrior he had to see that he had to see past her single mistake—no matter how big it was
“you would believe hua jun!” a voice called out, shattering the silence “why do you not believe hua mulan”
mulan’s head whipped around her eyes scanned the crowd of soldiers watching her and mander tung to her surprise, she saw that the voice of support belonged to honghui looking right at her, he nodded, and she could have sworn she saw a glimmer in his eye although it was the smallest of gestures, it was huge to mulan
“she risked everything by revealing her true identity,” honghui went on, his voice growing stronger “she is braver than any man here” he stopped and turned to the other soldiers, daring them to defy him daring them to disagree
watching him, mulan pushed down the lump that was forming in her throat despite her betrayal, honghui was standing up for her it was more than she could have hoped for, and the wave of gratitude that washed over her was immense but it only grew as the other soldiers, following honghui’s lead, began one by one to e to her defense “i believe hua mulan!” one said “yes!” another added mulan’s heart soared as cricket, po, and even yao added their own voices to the growing chorus of support they were standing by her; even without her disguise, they believed in her
but did mander tung
mulan turned back to the leader his face was unmoving, his expression impossible to read for a long moment, they stood face to face, neither speaking, neither blinking as around them the soldiers’ cries dimmed
“bring me my sword,” mander tung said as sergeant qiang moved to do so, the gathered soldiers exchanged nervous glances what was the mander going to do in front of him, mulan braced herself, prepared for the worst “hua mulan,” mander tung began, addressing her by her real name for the first time “your actions have brought disgrace and dishonor to this regiment, to this kingdom, and to your own family” he stopped when he spoke again, his voice was full of respect “but your loyalty and your bravery are without question you will lead us as we ride to the imperial city” turning, he addressed the other soldiers “ready the horses!”
as the men jumped into action, filling the valley with the sounds of swords, mulan stood among her fellow soldiers she had felt pride when she made it to the top of the shrine and she had felt powerful when she had tricked the invading army and sent the avalanche careening down the mountainside but none of that pared to what she felt now she was going to save the emperor and not just as a soldier, but as a leader—and as herself
