首发：~5
mulan was miserable sitting on an unfortable stool, she tried not to move as her mother gathered her long black hair and tugged and pulled the strands into submission mulan winced as a few more tangled strands gave up their fight and were yanked painfully from her head
she had anticipated the process of meeting the matchmaker would be emotionally exhausting, but she had failed to consider the physical toll it would take on her body of course she couldn’t just arrive to be interviewed by the esteemed matchmaker in just any old thing no, no, no, her mother had said, disgusted by the mere idea of it when mulan had mentioned it “one must present herself to the matchmaker as she would to her suitor—perfectly we all must be perfect” and then, as if mulan didn’t know it already, her mother added, “our family’s fortune rests on you, mulan”
which was why mulan now found herself being made up to look like a porcelain doll satisfied by the buns piled high on mulan’s head, li turned her attention to her daughter’s face bowls had been laid out on a nearby table, each filled with different powders and liquids dipping a thicker brush into the nearest bowl, li stirred the white paste then she brushed it in smooth, even strokes over mulan’s face when the girl’s face was pletely covered, li moved on to the next bowl yellow powder was blown gently onto mulan’s forehead, returning some color to her face and making mulan wonder why they bothered painting it bright white in the first place but before she could even open her mouth to ask, li put down the yellow powder and picked up the blue ink that was added above mulan’s eyes, being long, thin “eyebrows” that tilted up at the ends so the girl seemed to be smiling even though her mouth was straight rouge was added to mulan’s cheeks, red was painted on her lips, and finally li pasted a golden ornament between her daughter’s eyes
her face addressed, mulan was pulled off the chair and forced to stand while her mother dressed her mulan remained silent, though she felt more and more like screaming her mother hadn’t dressed her since she was a girl she had never been forced to wear face paint and her head already hurt from the dozens of pins shoved into her hair to keep the buns in place she felt like a doll her sister would have played with when she was a girl
mulan’s gaze shifted to the window on the far wall through it she could see black wind grazing she wanted to burst free from her mother’s grasp and run outside, leap on her horse’s back, and race off but she knew she could not she had made her promise and she would not let her family down—again
“look”
her mother’s voice startled mulan and she brought her gaze back into the room she gasped as she saw her reflection in the mirror her mother held out the face that stared back was that of a stranger her body, wrapped in a lilac-colored dress, looked strange: curves were visible that were usually hidden under loose clothing gingerly, mulan lifted her head and touched the lotus flower b her mother had placed in her hair the b was one of her mother’s most cherished possessions without saying anything, li was reminding mulan just how important today was
taking a deep breath, mulan headed out of the house and into the courtyard her father stood waiting, also in his own formal attire seeing his eldest daughter, he smiled, but not before mulan caught a flash of sadness in his eyes at least she wasn’t the only one who felt she was hiding her real self under a pile of makeup
as soon as li and xiu joined them, both also dressed up though neither looked quite as exquisite as mulan, the family began to walk through the village passing by people she had known her entire life, mulan felt their eyes on her and heard the surprised whispers as they walked by although mulan felt unrecognizable, the villagers seemed to recognize her noheless
sensing his daughter’s disfort, zhou smiled warmly he stopped and looked at his family “i am truly blessed to be in the presence of such enchanting women,” he said “i have no doubt that today will be a momentous day for the hua fam—”
“never mind that,” his wife said, cutting him off “we must be on time” to emphasize her words, she resumed walking, her pace quicker
behind her, mulan struggled to keep up her dress was meant to look pretty; it was not meant to be jogged in and her feet were bound in tight and unfortable shoes she nearly toppled over and would have had her sister not reached out and steadied her then, as if on cue, mulan’s stomach growled loudly
“i’m starving,” she said, stating the obvious
li rolled her eyes impatiently “i have already told you—you cannot eat it will ruin your makeup” “the fiercest winter storm could not destroy this makeup,” mulan retorted under her breath turning to her sister, mulan saw that her mother’s anxiety had rubbed off on xiu the younger girl was wringing her hands nervously “xiu,” mulan said, trying to lighten the mood she pointed to her face “what am i feeling”
xiu looked at her, her eyes searching mulan’s face for any trace of emotion “i have no idea,” she said
“exactly,” mulan answered “this is my sad face” the expression on her painted face did not change “this is my curious face” still no change “now i am confused” once more, her face remained the same
at last, a smile began to break over xiu’s face mulan smiled back—even though her sister couldn’t tell she hated to think that the cause of all this anxiety was her, but she knew that was the case if it had been xiu on her way to meet the matchmaker, li would have been practically skipping xiu gave her mother and family no reason to worry mulan gave her mother and family only reason to worry
luckily, mulan didn’t have time to dwell on her insufficiencies they had arrived at the matchmaker’s house leaving zhou to wait outside, the women approached the front door
as befit a woman of status, the matchmaker’s house stood alone the sides were newly painted, and fresh flowers and herbs blossomed on either side of the door the matchmaker was one of the most important people in their small village it was her connections that kept the young ladies and men matching and, in turn, the village thriving families spent a great deal of time trying to earn her approval, as favor from the matchmaker inevitably meant a favorable match
despite the constant doting and the privilege that came with her position, the matchmaker was a mean and nasty woman when she left her house, which wasn’t often, she always wore a frown full of judgment mulan had, on more than one occasion, turned and walked the other way when she saw the matchmaker in order to avoid a glare from the large woman and xiu, when she was younger and before she knew better, had once remarked how it wasn’t fair that such a beautiful house had such an ugly owner
but it didn’t matter if the woman was mean and her frown ugly she held mulan’s future in her hands
the matchmaker, after introducing mulan to fong lin, the mother of her prospective match, nodded for everyone to sit quickly, mulan and her family sat for one long moment, silence filled the small room and mulan wished that she had a rag or something to wipe her sweaty palms on she knew what she was supposed to do pour tea prove that she was worthy of fong lin’s son it seemed easy in theory if mulan could stop her hands from shaking
<i>
be calm,
</i>
she reminded herself
<i>
remember what xiu told you—picture doing something you like just get the tea in the cups that’s all you have to do
</i>
slowly, mulan reached out a hand and lifted the delicate porcelain teapot as she began to pour the steaming liquid into the equally delicate cups—without spilling—she could almost hear her mother’s shoulders sag in relief
obviously pleased as well, the matchmaker began to speak “quiet demure graceful,” she listed “these are the qualities we see in a good wife” she paused and looked directly at fong lin the woman, whose quiet judgment mulan had felt like daggers, did not move a muscle or blink her eyes bored into mulan, watching every move with fierce attention to detail “these are the qualities we see in mulan”
<i>
be calm,
</i>
mulan repeated to herself
<i>
calm
</i>
<i>
be calm even though this woman seems terrible and therefore probably has a terrible son who is going to give you the same terrible look every time you do something you shouldn’t, which will be always
</i>
<i>
because you are not, let’s face it, quiet, demure, or graceful
</i>
stopping herself, mulan put the teapot down and moved on to the sugar she felt everyone’s eyes on her as she moved around the table, from cup to cup
“they say,” the matchmaker went on, not bothered or nonplussed by fong lin’s blank look, “that when a wife serves her husband, she must be silent she must be invisible” she stopped her eyes focused on mulan, looking for the slightest hint of a tremor, the smallest exhale of breath mulan was silent
as she put a final cube of sugar into the last cup, mulan returned to her seat she had done it not a drop spilled not a mess made still, she wouldn’t allow herself the chance to sigh in relief not yet
“the fong family honors the hua family with this exquisite tea set,” the matchmaker went on, a glimmer of approval in her eyes “a gift from the imperial family”
mulan, li, and xiu bowed their heads in gratitude while it was tradition for the matchmaker to not reveal details to either family about the other family, there was always a way to glean a little bit in this case, as mulan stared at the beautiful teapot on the table in front of her, she knew that fong lin’s family was well-off, at least more so than hers the huas’ teapot was faded and their cups mismatched this new one would stand out on their threadbare shelves the pressure to be perfect felt even greater mulan’s family would benefit from her marriage to a successful man she had to pull this off
